Dreams of Flying

Did you know that all my life I've had dreams about flying like a bird? Don't forget that one of my greatest fears in life is falling. Yet, I've had dreams about spinning around and around until I defied gravity and began to soar. I wake up from these dreams feeling enormous sadness, like a broken winged bird who knows there's more to life than what it's capable of at that moment. Why do you think that is? I don't even like to fly in planes. I'm absolutely terrified that one of those strange winds will come along and slam the plane into the ground as we're attempting to take off thereby killing me and everyone else inside. Why do I dream of flying? I've thought about it all my life. My answer-- I spent the first sixteen or so years of my life feeling extremely insecure and incompetant. Now, if you know me at all, you probably realize that I'm a fairly competant person, but when I was young, I didn't realize that. I judged myself by standards that made no sense and always came up lacking. It's called growing up but growing up is hard work, the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life until you help your own children grow up. I think my flying dreams were dreams about escape, about feeling competant in an incompetant world, about doing something that should have terrified me. I'm not a risk taker and I'm not a rule breaker, but I would love to float up into the sky without effort, if only for a moment.


Learning to be who you are and not what others want or expect you to be is a nearly impossible task. That's why this world is so full of sheep following each other (and the current fads and trends) around in circles. Worse, this world is full of sheep who don't realize that they're sheep or at best, think they're the head sheep.


I'd love to be a sheep. Sheep have wool. Wool is good for knitting. I like knitting. Therefore, I want to be a sheep.


Then again, maybe not. I've gotten over my teenage self and if I don't want to drink soda, watch television, or wear pants, I'm not going to do it. Maybe, I like just being me.