Summer- Day 1

Summer is officially here. It's almost 2 in the afternoon and my children are all napping. (simultaneous naps without any fussing or crying = bliss) Here's a rundown of my day so far.

1. Woke up to the sounds of A. and L. arguing. I decided to go back to sleep.
2. Woke up the second time to quiet. I immediately got up to investigate because quiet is way more dangerous than when they yell. They were mindlessly watching PBS on the television my husband had turned on before he left. That explains the quiet. When their Daddy turns on the television for them before he leaves for work, they try extra hard not to wake me up because they know I'll turn it off as soon as I'm up and they won't get to watch it anymore.
3. Got M. out of bed, took off her diaper, put a pair of panties on her, and told her she got to practice being a big girl today while I tried to convince her to use the potty. She didn't.
4. Fed my children breakfast.
5. Convinced A. and M. to take their medicine because they both have ear infections.
6. Started washing dishes.
7. Cleaned up M.'s first accident.
8. Mixed together a batch of pillow bread.
9. Cleaned up M.'s second accident which was bigger than the first.
10. Reminded myself that I'm starting potty training today because I can ride the wave of euphoria that school is out to help me keep a positive attitude.
11. Fed my children lunch.
12. Kneaded my bread.
13. Entertained M. on the potty in a failed attempt and decided a pull up was a fabulous idea for nap time because I'm already behind on laundry and I really don't need anymore at the moment since she'd already messed up two days worth of clothes during her earlier accidents. I hate laundry.
14. Put L. and M. in bed for a nap. No tears!
15. Listened to A. read a book and signed her summer reading program sheet.
16. Thought about doing laundry but decided to write this blog post instead.

My timer just went off and I need to go check my bread's first rise. Isn't my life exciting? ;)

This must be why my husband says he never dreams...

You cannot snore and dream at the same time.

- Provided by RandomHistory.com

Quote of the Day

"To live long, live slowly."

- Cicero
Have you ever heard of the slow food movement? This quote made me think of that and of bread. My current favorite bread takes about 22  hours to make. When I eat it, I enjoy it even more because of the anticipation that leads up to the first crusty bite. Making it feels like an accomplishment. It means something. It requires skill and time and patience. In our fast-paced society, all those things are in short supply. How refreshing it is for me to do something few others care to do or want to do. I think I may start documenting some of my slow efforts. I'll take pictures the next time I make bread...

Linus on Wheels

Do you remember Linus from Charlie Brown? My husband was a Linus and so is L. Little Miss M. is becoming a Linus too. Be still my heart that both her favorite blankets were made by me.

On this particular day, we couldn't convince her to leave the blanket inside so she rode her trike with it safely in the basket...my little Linus on wheels.



Okay...That was unexpected

My children have chores. Sometimes they carry out my instructions in ways I never thought of though. This, for example, is how M. took care of her diaper before bath.

Okay...I didn't see that one coming...

My Girl

It took three tries, but I finally got one who's mine. She's my girl. She's sweet and mean all at the same time. I often call her my little stinker because of her mischievous ways and impish grin. I love all my children but this is the one that loves me back the hardest. Her days begin with my hugs and end with a snuggle on my bed. My heart melts just a little bit each time she hugs me tight for no reason and says, "Love you too, Mama."

Mama loves you, sweet girl.

Thoughts on Competition or Why we’re ruining our society through our twisted perceptions about motivation

I’ve been thinking lately about the path of life and the roads we choose to travel. Sometimes, we’re faced with a hard road of our own choosing with unexpected turns and unknown destinations. I’ve also been thinking about our society of “rewards” and honors. I’ve had to deal with that more than I cared to this year as I’ve helped A. begin the perilous journey through public school where so much emphasis is placed on competition. My poor, sweet, awkward girl hasn’t been the winner in spite of her intelligence, her beauty, and her good nature. It’s hurt her a lot. If we were in a different place in our lives with different goals, I might quit work and homeschool my children. In my opinion, it’s that bad. I feel like we’re scarring her in some way and little Miss L. will be joining in the ruckus next year. I dread it.

I’ve thought about it often these past months as I’ve tried to help my child learn to cope in this cruel world in which we live. Make no mistake. The world is cruel, hideously cruel. Life is cruel enough with its’ unexpected twists and turns without us making it worse, but we do…by choice…and we applaud ourselves for fostering growth and competition. The problem is that we say that attitude is what matters and sportsmanship and trying your best but we don’t really mean it. We exclude and applaud the “best” but let’s be totally honest. The “best” is often luck or a popularity contest, not the actual “best.” I thought of this the other night at prom, a place where everyone could be equal except that we do senior favorites and prom king and queen. A student was sitting outside, near the ticket check-in table, complaining quite loudly about the program going on inside. I couldn’t blame her because what she said was correct. It is a popularity contest that has nothing to do with anything of import. She made the comment, “Girls like me are never on stuff like that.” There was bravado in her voice, but hurt in her words. This was her big night with a fancy dress, a date, and our societal expectations were messing it up. Another teacher replied that there are more people who aren’t prom queen than who are. That’s true but if anything, I think it shows another crack in our society. Why do we choose to divide one another into groups where there are always losers (often through no fault of their own)?

Some might say it’s the way of the world and that’s true, but it’s a world we’ve created and a world we could change except for the fact that we don’t care enough. We choose instead to feel powerless and believe the lies of popular society that label the majority of us “losers” or the kinder “not the winner” instead of standing up for ourselves and saying that all this is garbage. The world doesn’t have to have this much competition. As long as we have democracy and free enterprise, we’ll always have some level of competition, but why should my kindergartner be crying because she didn’t get elected class president or feel sad because her story wasn’t the “best.” I saw that story. I can’t believe a kindergartner wrote it. I couldn’t have done that when I was 5. Unfortunately, she thinks she’s not a good writer now no matter what I tell her. She used to think she was though. She used to be proud of her stories…before the competition that was supposed to encourage children to write their best. She did her best and the only message she received was that it wasn’t good enough.

Competition will always be around but we start too early and we make its’ scope too broad. It isn’t necessary in every part of our lives. It isn’t healthy either. It’s cruel. It’s a senseless cruelty in an already cruel world. I want my children to be happy, all of them (even the big ones). I don’t know how to do it though. We want everyone to work hard in this world in order to be the “best,” but the reality is that there’s only one “best” and the rest of us are just unintentional losers.

Ch. 21

We read Ch. 21 in Le Petit Prince the other day. The lessons of the fox always cause me to think about my life. For the first time in a long time, my life feels like it is lacking a bit when I contemplate Ch. 21. I don't think I'm far off the track of my life, but I do think that life has gotten in the way of living lately.

What in the world does that mean though?

1. I haven't contemplated beauty for the sake of beauty in a long time.

2. I haven't had a bubble bath in six months or more.

3. It's May and I haven't bought a Christmas present. My Christmas "To Do" list is incomplete and I have only brainstormed a few presents.

4. I haven't ate chocolate today.

5. I've been making my husband put our children to bed most nights because I'm so tired I feel as if I can't go on. Their bedtime kisses are the sweetest and I'm missing them.

6. Sadness is my companion more days than not.

7. It feels like it hasn't rained in weeks.

8. I've lost track of countless weeks and months. The memories are vague and fleeting. I feel the loss of time keenly.

9. I'm forced to cultivate a thousand roses in my life and it's too many. I haven't tamed a single one in so long.

The other day, someone asked me how I was in passing. I responded that I was doing okay. As I walked away, I felt guilty. Why? Because I realized I lied when I gave her that answer. Life is never perfect but for me or anyone else but with my optimistic outlook, it's usually more good than bad so I can answer, "I'm doing okay" and it's more true than not. The scales have tipped though. The balance is off and I'm not okay anymore.

This has been a hard week, not horrible or bad, but hard, really, really hard. I comes after so many other hard weeks that the truth of the matter is... I'm not doing okay and I don't know when I will be.

On the outside, I seem okay but here in this secret space where no one ever answers, I can honestly say that I'm not...