Children and parenthood are not the topic of this post though. This day's silence and the activities I've pursued are. After the children were off with my husband, I researched hiding knots in hand quilting for a while. Then, I searched for an easy to knit cowl pattern for myself because I really want to make myself a cowl sometime soon. After that, I ventured into the kitchen where I started putting together a batch of pillow bread (my second this week). I washed dishes from last night and ventured into the laundry room a few times to turn the mountain into a mole hill.
As I kneaded my bread dough, I thought of things as I always do. Kneading bread is like meditation for me. Now that I've done it enough to know what I'm doing, the muscle memory takes over and time passes in a blur. Today my thoughts turned to many things starting with homemade bread. I've got the whole family on board the homemade bread wagon now. Yesterday, at lunch, L. declared her ham sandwich made with the last of this week's first batch of pillow bread to be delicious. She was my last hold out. She asked me to make more pillow bread rolls which is why I'm making bread again today. A. and I are particularly fond of a bread called WHO bread. W(heat) O(at) H(oney) bread is especially delicious with a spread of some sort. My husband likes jam (homemade of course). A. likes peanut butter, but I love it with Nutella. No surprise there, right? I call it WHO-tella and it makes me love myself for having made that bread. I think I could eat it everyday of my life. I might try it for a while and see how that goes.
I thought about why I've decided to stop buying store bought bread. Homemade bread takes time. It's tricky and moody depending on the temperature and humidity, but I love the smell of rising yeast bread and the effort of taming it's temperamental ways. The flavor is crazy too. In fact, flavor is one of my problems. I never realized how bland store bought bread was until I got used to only eating bread with flavor. I can't figure out what to do about grilled cheese sandwiches. The bread for a grilled cheese sandwich shouldn't have flavor. I'm not sure grilled cheese would be quite the same on pillow bread or any of the other breads I've made. That doesn't bother me as much as it did a month ago. I think that's because I'm thinking of making my own cheese...
A trip to the laundry room made me realize I should probably take advantage of this day to make more laundry soap. I've been using homemade laundry soap for a few months now and I love it. It leaves no heavy smell on the clothes. I can't smell it at all but I have a bad sense of smell in general. I hate perfumed laundry soap smells so this is a big plus for me. The cost is pennies per load. I've probably spent $12 total on laundry soap making ingredients since I started this little experiment. Before, in the same space of time, I would have probably spent $50-$60 on pre-made laundry soap not to mention the waste that would have been created from the plastic jugs and other containers that laundry soap came in.
Waste is another issue for my family lately. Friday is our garbage and recycling pick up day. This morning, we put out two bags of garbage, one recycling bin full and two extra containers full of other recycling. That's pretty normal for us. Even M., at the age of 22 months, understands when we tell her to go put something in the recycling. I forgot my reusable shopping bags the other day when L. and I were going to the store and she gave me a horrified look when I told her. Then, she tried to console me by telling me that one time would be okay and we could recycle the plastic bags so it wasn't too bad. Yeah, I think it's safe to say our family is very conscientious about waste and our children understand that in their own ways.
The other day, I made skin toner. I've had skin problems ever since M. was born. They're hormonal but everyday is a challenge. I've always hated makeup and chemical laden "beauty" products. That's why I thought it was so fabulous when I found out how to make my own stuff from natural, cheap ingredients. Besides, how could I not be amused that the main ingredient says this on the bottle? With the 'Mother'! Ack, it amuses me to no end!
Now, if I could just find organic coconut oil to make my own skin cream, I'd be set...
I ordered a book the other day from Amazon to help me in my homemade endeavors. I got the sample of my Kindle but decided that a print version would be easier to use because of the charts and graphics. The content came across a bit confusing in digital format. I'm so excited about this book though. It tells you how to make your own hair care products like hair soap and gel as well as a ton of other stuff people think they have to buy from a store. I am so pumped about this one. (I know this makes me odd. You don't have to tell me. This entire post is about letting my oddness out for the world to see. As a side note to this side note, who do you want to be with if a disaster should beset the world? Me! Your hair and skin will still look good in addition to having mended clothes, fresh bread, homemade jam, etc., etc. etc.)
After lunch, during the second rise of the bread, I'm going downstairs to work on L.'s quilt. I didn't finish it by her birthday and that's okay. I've decided to do all the quilting by hand and that takes time. L. gave me the okay to surprise her later several days before her birthday. She still had a fabulous day even without the quilt.
Remember the Little Prince. It's the time we spend on things that makes them important. I spend time on bread, time on details, time, time, time. I swim in the vast sea of humanity believing in myself and realizing that other people's thoughts, ideas, and values are not my own. We live in a world full of abundance and consumables. We've lost the ability to appreciate or use time well. We've lost faith in our own abilities and instincts. We've lost the knowledge of our forefathers. We rush around, running hither and yon, searching, searching, always searching for that which we cannot find. We're like the people on the trains in the Little Prince. We listen to others so much on T.V., in magazines, in conversations, etc., that we no longer know how to listen to ourselves. We don't know what we're searching for, why we're so unhappy nowadays. I've rediscovered myself though in the kneading of my bread. I've found my own thoughts in the quiet and it has made me realize that I haven't been living the life I want, not completely anyway. I've had bits and pieces of that life stuck within my "real" one, just enough to make me almost happy. I'm tired of it though. In the kneading of my bread, I've learned so much about me and what I want. I've started making plans, voicing my real hopes and dreams, trying to help my family find their own selves. I can't wait until we get there. I'm already beginning to see the difference in our life. It's the little things, like L. liking my bread, like my husband saying he loves the smell of our clothes, that are changing who we are, changing the world we live in for the better.
What will you choose to spend your time on? What will you choose to make important? What is your happiness? Is it truly your own or are you a sheep following others' desires? What will make your world a better place for yourself and those you love?
In case you didn't get the reference in the title:
The Times They Are A-Changin' (lyrics by Bob Dylan)
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
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