i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) "


                               - e. e. cummings

Happy Valentine's Day!

 May your day be filled with love, crafts, and good chocolate!

(The girls' Valentines were Tootsie Roll pops turned into flowers. The entire time we were making them, A. kept saying, "These are just so clever." Finally, someone appreciates me!)

Getting dotty in my old age...

L.'s birthday party is next Saturday. The theme is polka dots. (The quilt's not done. I'm having problems.) It feels like circles of various sizes are everywhere I look. Here's a snippet from Saturday evening.

There are so many polka dots in my life right now. There are polka dot plates, polka dot napkins, polka dot confetti sprinkles, polka dot cupcake wrappers, polka dot clothes, polka dot invitations, polka dot bags, polka dot garlands, polka dot everything! I'm going dotty a.k.a. crazy but it's been an interesting trip.

Time Warp (not the one from Transylvania)

I'm currently planning three birthday parties kind of simultaneously in my head. That's what happens when you plan pregnancies like I did to accommodate a teacher's schedule. My party planning skills border on obsessive. Being obsessive takes time so even though there exists a period of several weeks between each birthday, the planning overlaps because papier mache takes time to dry and party perfection requires homemade pinatas people (along with many other homemade touches in addition to homemade presents, cakes, etc.).

The time warp in my brain is really struggling this year. How is L. about to be 4! And little Miss M. will soon be 2! The worst of all is this one though.

When did she grow up? I remember it but it doesn't seem like 6 years should have passed so quickly. Where did the time go with my sweet little A.? Someone please tell me how to rewind life. It's going way too quickly for my liking.

Note: That's the first time she tried on her Daisy vest after I attached all the paraphernalia. She's so proud to be a Girl Scout. I'd be more proud if her troupe were doing regular cookie sales instead of a booth sale but I didn't get to decide that matter.

Things in Bowls a.k.a Other Signs of Insanity

Exhibit 1: Homemade laundry soap

Why? Because I felt like it and now I can't stop. It's so cheap!



Exhibit 2: Homemade Bread (2nd rise)

(It was in a bowl before I dumped it on the towel)

I've decided to stop buying bread at the store. I've bought a little bit recently because I was perfecting my breadmaking techniques. However, I feel that I've reached a turning point. This is a picture of a rustic no knead bread. I've also been working on a whole wheat everyday bread. The big winner though is pillow bread-- crazy name, crazy delicious. We have a winner! I find the long, slow process of breadmaking to be cathartic. It pulls me away from the hectic world we live in and plops me squarely down in a slower time. I love it. (It also brings me one step closer to being the one you want to be with if modern life should come to a screeching halt and we're forced to fend for ourselves. I've got it covered people. )

Late Night Activity and Perceptions

I've got a little problem except that really, it's a big problem. It happens all the time. First, I get an idea. Then, I start planning. Next, I do some research. (Thank you Google.) I draw up some plans and I procure materials. The next logical step would be to start whatever project I'm planning, but surprisingly, I don't. This is where I start doubting and thinking way too much. Then, I begin altering my plans, the plans that make sense, but for some reason, I can't do what I've already decided to do. I add to the plan. I elaborate. I complicate. I hesitate. After this period of time (which sometimes goes on indefinitely), I begin. At some point, when I've done too much to turn back, I realize that my plan is crazy but I have to keep going and finish. It happens to me time and time again, but each time I come up with a new idea, I don't think it's crazy at all. It is though. They always are by the end.

Here's my current example. I decided to make L. a quilt for her 4th birthday. I imagined a simple quilt of large squares with a few circles sewn randomly to represent polka dots. The quilt would be twin sized. Then, I started looking into quilt dimensions. I planned my squares. I bought cloth. I even drew a diagram! Then, the troubles (insanity) took hold. A full sized quilt is close in size to a twin. I reasoned that a full sized quilt would be more useful to own in the end. I wasn't creating a child's bedding here. I was crafting an heirloom! I decided to add a few blocks to make it larger. Then I added a few more because I hate quilts that don't cover the mattress. What if my child has a thick mattress as an adult? I would have failed her! I added a few more blocks. I realized I didn't have enough cloth. I bought more. I started cutting blocks. I started running out of time. (Her birthday is February 19. I started cutting January 28.) I cut and cut. I made my wrist start hurting again. I wrapped my Ace bandage on it and plowed on. I began sewing. It was nervous, precise work. I got a crick in my neck and a cramp in my lower back. I continued. Last night, I finished sewing the last of the blocks together. Mind you, this is only the background. I still have the circles, backing, quilting, and binding to go. Most of that is handwork. I'm in trouble. Here's a picture.

I know it doesn't seem impressive. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, right? I should mention that each block is 12 inches square. You're looking at 56 square feet of quilt top. In my mind, it didn't seem that big. It is though. It's huge. Wacko perceptions. 

I'm insane. It's certifiable now.

I'm also in trouble. 18 days. Good gravy!

Je suis ici...vraiment!

The holiday season found my life rife with problems. There's the double mortgages, technology issues, health problems, crafting emergencies, etc. I'll tell some of those stories one day. I'm not sure all of them are good ones right now.

I've written lots of fabulous posts inside my head, but they're all escaping from me right now. So, I'll leave you with a quote from the inestimable Mark Twain and the pie crust promise (easily made, easily broken) that I'll be back soon. There is life to be lived and I'm missing it.

"The inability to forget is infinitely more devastating than the inability to remember," - Mark Twain